Amour Infini

Mystery Blogger Award

A couple of weeks ago I was surprised to find that I was nominated for my very first blogger award. Just being a few weeks old in the blogging community, I never saw this coming and I was immensely happy when I got to know that my best friend, The Shubster Diaries, was also nominated for the same award. I thank the blogger, Karunya who runs the blog Million Dreams, for nominating me and giving me this opportunity to participate. For a new blogger like me, being nominated to such an award is very inspiring, especially when a lot of things around us do not seem to be very motivating in life.

The Mystery Blogger Award was originally created by Okoto on their blog @Okoto Enigma’s Blog, who’s aim was to ‘create a friendly community and build a link between bloggers in the blogosphere‘. He explains the award as an award for amazing bloggers with ingenious posts. Their blog not only captivates; it inspires and motivates. They are one of the best out there, and they deserve every recognition they get. This award is also for bloggers who find fun and inspiration in blogging; and they do it with so much love and passion. For a young blogger like me, awards like these are very helpful and inspiring because, not only does it let my writing get some recognition, but I also get the opportunity to discover and recognize so many talented bloggers from the community.

If you have read my previous posts, I have mentioned how it took me time to put out my writing because for the longest time I thought it wasn’t good enough to be put out in a platform. Later I realized that if i want to support a particular community, it is important to be a part of the community and get involved. Artists coming together for other artists is one of the most wholesome things I have seen lately and I have always tried to spread artist’s work, let it be of any kind of art, because their hard work, imagination and determination deserves all the recognition, especially when we are living in an era where social media can be our biggest help and greatest enemy too. That is why I feel awards like these play a huge role in the growth of the blogging community.

RULES FOR ACCEPTING THE AWARD:

Display the award logo on your blog.
Thank the blogger who nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
Mention Okoto Enigma, the creator of the award.
Tell your readers three things about yourself.
Answer five questions from the nominee
Nominate 10-20 bloggers.
Notify your nominees by leaving a comment on their blog.
Ask your nominees five questions of your choice, including one weird or funny question.
Share the link to your best post.

NOMINATION:

I have never known Karunya before she commented on my posts about the award nomination. She seemed very sweet and supportive and as a fellow writer, I see a lot of potential in her. Dear Karunya, I will forever remember this nomination because it is really special to me as it is my very first one. I hope we both continue to grow and inspire ourselves and other bloggers in the community.

THREE THINGS ABOUT ME:

If not writing, another art form that I have been doing since the time I can remember is dancing. Dancing, to me, is not just a passion but a way emote and express. I have always been thrilled to learn as many as dance form as possible, till my limbs physically stop functioning.
I would call myself a foodie as I love trying different cuisines, and well, just eating. Hailing from Kerala, my taste buds have a really high standard. I am that friend who is always up for eating.
I am a really observant person, sometimes I can seem very inattentive but oops, I might be scanning the whole place, sir.

MY ANSWERS TO KARUNYA’S QUESTIONS:

What is your weakness? ~ Being an ambivert, I love being in my own company and enjoy it, but I HAVE to be in touch with a selected few people from time to time. Relationships mean a lot to me, and for the same reason, communication is very important for me. I understand everyone has their own language of communication and I make a note of them since the beginning. When I see a change in this language of communication, sometimes I panic and obsess on trying to find out the reason and fix things.
If you could only buy 3 things, what would they be? ~ I am not sure if I could pin down to just three things but firstly, I would buy a ticket to go to a place where my heart lies, secondly get a really cosy and comfy apartment for myself and use the rest of the money to travel later. Yes, I like to save.
What’s the one song that actually gets you? ~ I have a few, but as my close people already know, its Say You Wont Let Go, by Arthur James. This song carries a lot of good memories and being a hopeless romantic it brings me peace to picture that perfectly imperfect glimpse in my mind. It is a song that puts me to peace it my lowest times.
If you’re given the chance to be one person, who would you like to be?~ This one’s easy, I would always choose to be myself. As much as I take inspirations from other individuals, I also believe that each one of us is unique and we have the power to provide different versions of ourselves; good or bad, you choose. I would always embrace change and try to be a better individual as much as I can, but I will always stay true to myself.
How has the pandemic changed your life? ~ I personally think the pandemic in itself is a change for the whole world. Everybody has experienced some kind of changes when it comes to their lifestyles and personal experiences. For me, this year started off great, I have had the best things happened to me and it continues to be that way. Yes, it has been a very difficult year, where I have seen myself at the lowest, but between trying to fight with what’s in my head and not lose myself in breaking down, I also cherish what I now have in life and i hold them very dear and close. I also realized where a few people stand in my life and how I am now okay with things changing. Although I hate the uncertainty, I am grateful for all the positives in my life and cannot wait for what the future has in store for me, because I now I know I am going to make the best of all the time given to me.

MY BEST POST:

I have not published a lot of posts as it has just been over a month that I have been blogging now. I honestly love them all because for every post, the emotions are different and I have put a lot of work and thought into it, but if I had to choose one, I would choose: The Bloody Sakura, my very first post and a poem that carries mysterious beauty.

THE BLOGGERS I WANT TO NOMINATE:

From the few connections I have made in the past one month, I have witnessed some amazing content with beautiful different perspectives. Please check out their blogs to see what they have written, because they are all amazing and deserve it;

MY QUESTIONS TO THE NOMINEES:

What has been that one thing you were scared of in your childhood but overcame the fear as you grew up?
If there were three things you could tell your younger self, what would they be?
Describe any one crazy scenario you made up while day dreaming.
Which is that one song that you cannot stop yourself from moving around?
What are three life lessons that you always hold tight to?

This post has been a very new experience for me and I would like to once again thank Karunya for that. It has made me think at many places and was absolutely fun to write. Looking forward to see the nominees posting their writings too. So glad I could connect to you all on this platform, each one of you are amazing in your own way and your work stand out. Hope you never stop writing. Toodles!

~~AS

Hello there! Hope you have read my post. Feel free to connect with me and have conversations on writing on Instagram, your comments are always welcome. Hope you have a great day!

Bookish Description Of My Friends

I was immensely thrilled when my best friend, The Shubster Diaries, nominated me for this challenge of writing Bookish Description of Friends in her post where she chose to include a bookish description of me (go check out her post now!). I thoroughly enjoyed reading her post because I always wondered what it would be if anyone described me as a bookish character and well, Shubhangi was a step ahead to let me know. I love the concept because, I am sure just like many people out there, I have also imagined how it would be if certain people would be from inside a book, or if I could be described as a character from a book, and yes that is possible. I think any bookish character description is fascinating because you experience how the character is formed by the authors point of view, with minute observations that a normal person wouldn’t really notice, and you also get to unwind the person’s character as you go further into the story. I am going to keep the following descriptions anonymous but feel free to do guesses, yay. I also urge every other blogger reading this post to take up this challenge and go crazy with your descriptions, would love to read them.

Friend #1: She lay on her periwinkle blanket, her soft waves of hair ruffling a little with the breeze she let in to embrace her through her open window. Fighting back tears and an excruciating headache, sometimes she found herself tired of being the ever so enthusiastic bubbly self to everyone around her. She aced in lifting everyone’s spirits when she had to, but failed in doing the same for herself. She looked out the window, watching the moon’s silhouette dancing, hidden among all those clouds, let out a hand forward as she wanted to reach out the sky, while her other hand firmly gripped on her camera. The wait to see Mother Luna reflected on her life as the wait she did to be treated rightly, with the love she deserved. Even behind all those questions she imposed on herself, deep down she really wished she wasn’t taken for granted, because she knew she was someone who must be treated with royalty, but from one’s heart. Her hazel brown feline eyes sparkled when the moon finally decided to come out of the clouds and a smile lingered on her tired, beautiful lips. She sprung into action, passionately wanting to capture Mother Luna’s beauty through her camera lenses. As she triumphed in managing to get the best shots, her heart raised and she was overwhelmed with the moonlight rays. She knew better days are ahead and she knew that she was her best warrior. A hopeless romantic wouldn’t be one if she hadn’t known pain, but she wouldn’t be one if she hadn’t known how to love herself first too. She will forever be the moon child, growing with immense power everyday, to flourish the love she has within and let everything spring into life through the art she does. The clock strikes 3 am while she hummed her favourite song and snuggled into a sweet slumber and waltzing her way into her fantasy world.

Friend #2: The year was 1920 and he walked down the busy aisle of King Henry’s Stairs lane, in a Prussian blue tux and a dark brown newsboy cap, his succulent lips holding a cigar and eyes narrowed as he scanned the place. Having no sight of the figure he was searching for, he made his way back, where he spotted a young couple walking hand in hand, laughter and love in the air. He froze as he saw the gentleman take the lady’s hand to twirl her around, because it yet again reminded him of the love of his life. It’s been three days since she went missing and every nerve in his bloody clenched with anger as he reached another dead end of finding her. He could not fathom of what happened to her and he knew he would get to the end of this. A child stumbled upon his legs to bring him back to his reality, when he suddenly spotted a woman being dragged by two men into an old building on the lane a little further away, and he couldn’t go wrong with those long black curly locks and dusky complexion. He sprung forward, one hand dangerously swinging his small-sword, anger brimming to ambush and slaughter the whole lot who laid hands on his most beloved. He thrashed open the door to only find blood marks hauntingly adorning the place. His scream echoed the whole building and the next moment, he was shocked to find himself awake, drenched in sweat, lying on his bed and his mobile cell ringing beside him. It was the year 2020, and as he was pulled out from his dream, he answered the call and heard Honey, you are late again, you better get going. Her voice sent a rush of relief through his body and all he could succumb to mutter groggily was I love you, to the love of his life, who was also a little confused and very far away from him, in another state, safe and sound. He spent a good few hours of his day venting out on his boxing bag as his hair tossed around in agony, trying to wash away the horrors the dream gave him. Being away from the love of your life was a hard thing to live through everyday but he knew he was inching towards the day he will finally see her and be able to twirl her around the place. It brought solace to share uncertainty with someone you love, hoping for the same future.

So there goes my descriptions, and yes I don’t know if its too hard to notice but both the characters is experiencing agony because of love but in different ways. I am not sure if I did a decent job with this because it is my first time, but you really need to start somewhere, eh? I really enjoyed writing them and have put a lot of thought in it and I would love to write these descriptions soon sometime. Do let me know if these descriptions reminded you of someone. Feel free to take forward this writing challenge and have fun blogging away. Toodles! ~AS

Hello there! If you’ve reached so far and read my post, thank you and I hope you liked it. Do share your thoughts on the comments below and feel free to reach out to me on Instagram for more updates and posts. Wishing you a love filled weekend! ~amour infini

Your Comfort Coffee

I wasn’t really sure of what I will write for today’s post given that the last couple of weeks have been intolerably hectic and seemed never ending. My mind has been a messy space because I could not take time, or felt guilty for doing things that made me feel better when I felt anxious. I am sure that every single person reading this might find some kind of discomfort everyday where they are not really sure of how to make use of the time they have. Maybe there are way too many thoughts or maybe the mind is just spotless blank, or maybe your mind jumps from both these phases time to time and you find that very conflicting. Messy, right? Today’s post might seem like a journal entry because I am just going to concentrate on how I am feeling and through the process, remind you to do the same too. It is a weird lifestyle we all are living in right now. Most of the conversations I have with a selected few people everyday is only about them and I wishing for a better tomorrow, where we know all we can do, apart from staying indoors and keeping safe, is to look forward to better days. I find myself not wanting to live in the present, because right now it seems to be the most difficult thing to do, to wait and get through the storm, when you are unsure of when the storm will end. And so, I find myself fishing out memories which I hold so dear and close to my heart to find comfort in, to rely on, while chanting in my head ‘even this shall pass’, because do we really have a choice?

It is funny how the future, which I have no idea of, feels more comforting than the present, because I miss feeling spontaneous in life. A friend comes down to the gate and asks for a walk? I’m up. Want to order ice-cream at ungodly hours? I’m up. Want to randomly play songs in the room and dance? I’m up. Want to go for a long drive to have chai? I’m up. Want to go for an impromptu brunch on a lazy Sunday? I sure am up for it. Being at home, being forced to stay in a routine to keep going has had me exhausted. And when we find ourselves not being able to break the cycle, sometimes even if we are at our lowest, we tend to do something out of the blue to help you get that adrenaline rush. Otherwise, people try to find their own coping mechanisms (some may not be very healthy, ahem), to deal with the situation. It has me thinking how important it is to turn towards anything that comforts you and not feel guilty about doing it, because at that particular point, it helped you survive. Every single day I am amazed to see people around me (virtually, duh) having another difficult day of sorts and still reaching out to someone they love because they want to just be there. It is impossible to make up for their physical absence in my life, or mine in theirs, but it is heart-warming to see how they are mature enough to understand when one of us goes to seek the comfort zone. It’s not like we didn’t do this little escapism pre-pandemic, but doing that while you are away from your closed ones and still having them understand you means a lot because sadly we only get to see them through social media platforms.

It all comes down to giving yourself time. Time to process the present and the change, time to engage with your thoughts, time to accept things as they come, time to heal, time to be okay with the uncertainty, time to let things unfold and time to let yourself just be without worrying or feeling guilty for being unproductive. Sometimes giving time is the easiest and the hardest thing to do. And while you do it, do not hesitate from drinking your perfect cup of coffee, or reading that unfinished book, or watching a series in your own pace, moving around the room blindfolded guided by your favourite music, going for a long ride while its drizzling, or just existing in your comfort space where you are comfortable with your thoughts and yourself. It is easier said than done, but I guess we all could try one day at a time, yeah? And while you do, remember that you are worthy, and that everything eventually makes sense. If not, there is always something that you have learnt. Here is hoping that each one of you, and I, find our comfort space when we need to. Cheers.

Soar Away

I wish to experience sunsets at the beach
Little waves embracing my worn out feet,
As they slightly sink into the dampness
Of the sand, and the lurking familiarity
A frail old man selling cotton candy
Feeling the salt breeze through my curls
To watch the sea gulls find their way home
I’d feel at home then, and soar away

I wish to find a cozy corner
In a not-so-crowded, endearing café
My head behind a book, sipping coffee
But secretly watching the toddler eyeing me
Exchanging a smile or maybe a handshake
His laughter ringing in my mind,
My way back, in the risky rickshaw ride
I’d feel at home then, and soar away

I wish to go on long walks
With a companion or without
Witnessing the skies changing hues
And the busy life just pass by me
I’d watch people of every kind
While i sipped in an overly sweet cup of tea
Inhaling the warmth the place offered
I’d feel at home then, and soar away

I wish to assemble in front of the huge mirror
My weary reflection staring back
Alone, I’d soulfully glide around the room
Emotions taking over me, gulping the silence
Another day, the same room but crowded
Spirit overflowing in abundance
Failing & falling, but only with a smile
I’d feel at home then, and soar away

~AS

Giving My Friends Bookish Descriptions.

She amazes me every single time. Accepting this nomination and coming up with something soon. Thanks, Shubhi darling!❤️

The Shubhster Diaries

A while ago, my best friend Kriti, who runs the blog Kittu’s Modern Mixtape, wrote a very beautiful bookish description of me, and two days ago, on an Instagram live, I said that I would definitely like to try writing something similar sometime. Yesterday, Kriti wrote yet another bookish description of me in her post ‘Writing My Friends as Book Characters‘ (go check out her blog!) and she nominated me to carry this challenge forward, which I gladly accept because this sounds like a very fun way to give a new dimension to the people in my life.

As per the guidelines on Kriti’s post, I have decided to let these descriptions remain anonymous; so, feel free to come up with a nice mental image of your own when you’re reading these! I further nominate my friend Anupriya who runs the blog Amour Infini

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A Gratitude Note

There goes a saying that ‘the most life turning events happen to you when you least expect it’. Although there have been many instances in life to vouch for the above statement, it is funny how I started on this writing blog, during what I could highlight as the most struggling phase of my life. I thought a lot about what I am going to write about in my first article of the blog, and because i miserably failed (a natural indecisive Libra), I decided I would write about the present. The present, where everything is not rainbows and unicorn and in fact, it is quite the thunderstorm here. What I wanted to highlight through this post is that it amuses me how with the worst, you are able to see the best around you too. And I cannot be more grateful for everything that brings the best out of me and around me. This piece of writing is dedicated to everyone and everything I am grateful for, and to remind my readers to look around and to find what brings you solace.

For someone who has been writing journals since her teenage years, writing has always been an activity where I form a space which is personal and brutally honest. And that is exactly what I would like to carry onto my blog too, to keep it simple and honest. That said, everyone close to me knows that starting this blog was super impulsive, because life felt so morbid that I wanted to do something spontaneous, to finally get that urge of doing something new, which would bring a new routine to my life. Planning of the blog started more than a year ago, where my best friend, after reading some of my work, screamed in my face that I had to start a writing blog. I really wanted to, but I had my own battle going on in my head with a lot of self-doubt and how I will never be enough. The conflict was with my other voice in the head which said ‘but honey, you won’t know unless you try’. This went on for a year, completing other commitments too on the way, but if it has not been obvious, the year has not been so kind to any of us. The irony of it all is that I started this blog when I have been feeling my lowest. I realised that sometimes, we cannot keep waiting for things to get easier or better in life with time, sometimes we should just seize the day and get what you want. Own the time you have. And that is how I spontaneously started it, super scared about the outcome, well honestly, I still type with shaky hands. I am still paranoid about a lot of things regarding this writing space, but I must admit that a little bit of it fade away every time I post something here. So I guess we are on the right track, eh?

This was supposed to be a gratitude note because just attempting to get over this fear is a huge accomplishment for me and I wouldn’t have done it if it wasn’t for a few people in my life. Gratitude comes naturally when you realise the value of certain things and people in your life. There have been times when I have felt the lowest and did not want to communicate with anyone through any source, but some of them did nothing but stayed to let me know that I was not alone. I don’t think words will suffice to let them know how grateful I am for their existence in their life. I am sure a lot of you must have experienced this, that in your toughest times, you find the people who has always been real to you, who wants to see you grow, and as much as they hate to see you suffer, they let you have your space, guarding behind the walls you’ve built to recover from your experiences. If you have such people, or just ONE person like that in your life, then I must say you are lucky. Hold onto them, because in today’s world, it is not easy to have a support system who genuinely wishes for your well being and growth. As the world is fighting a pandemic, it is obvious that everyone is going through a difficult time, and naturally I feel guilty for burdening others with my experiences. People around me (virtually, of course), have taught me otherwise, that it is okay to be there for each other while you’re both in a difficult time too. I love the balance that I carry with these certain few and it is beyond wholesome to have someone to genuinely give an ear out to you while you do the same to them.

I have always been a person who gives; gives attention, effort, care, a helping hand, love and everything I can to a person who means a lot to me, most of the time not expecting anything back, to be very honest. But it is not even funny the number of times people have walked over me and just left for no reason at all or taken me for granted. And at this point in life? I am grateful to all of them too, for showing me that I am so much more worthy than their toxic behaviour and I deserve, if not more, definitely equal to what I give in. And I know there are so many people out there just like me. Difficult situations in your life, where there may be moments when you’re trying so hard to breathe normally, definitely breaks you, but at the same time it has somehow made me stronger than ever too. The confidence I have now to say this out loud did not come easy, in fact I have come a long way from taking all the blame to realising I was not wrong at all in the first place. They also taught me to always keep a distance from people like them. So see? We do learn a lot from every kind of individual.

Some of my favourite quotes and phrases told to me by people who are the most dearest to me and which are etched in the deepest part of my heart are: ‘it is what it is’, ‘you are stronger than you will ever know’, ‘this too shall pass’, ‘everything happens for a reason’. Life has been a lot easier since I started understanding and soulfully believing what these statements truly have to convey. I am grateful to my family for several reasons that I cannot reveal at this point, because they have a huge part in the person I have become today. I have learnt the do’s and most importantly the do not’s from them and I cannot be more grateful, because that is what I am going to take forward in my life while I build a world of my own. Lastly, I am grateful to myself, for fighting through all of this and not giving up even on the days I’ve been dancing on a thread. It is important to introspect and realise what relationship you have with yourself. Honestly, mine is conflicting. Just an hour back I was questioning myself for a lot of things. But what I see as most important is that by the end of the day you try to go through everything and always prioritise yourself over everything. You are your strongest soldier and no matter what your support system is, they will only be the cherry on the top of the cake, but your life decisions and actions driven with love is what makes the cake. I am grateful to myself for having this realisation. This year has been the most difficult one for a lot of us, but I must say this year has been the best for me in many aspects with the highest achievements in life; achievements that matter the most.

~AS

Crimson Scars

She, a mysterious moon child

Living in the shadows, wailing

Her smile screaming insecurities she borne;

She was no perfection in the world’s eyes

Her innocence blanketed with aggression

Covering her body with shame

As she was scorned upon

Unable to witness her innate worth

She, a mysterious moon child

Bearing lightening scars on her body

Too heavy for some

Too weak for others

And when pronounced a beauty

Her mirror image hung her head in shame

She was no good to a world

Who labelled beauty in a rigid box

She, a mysterious moon child

Struggled with a bleeding open wound

Her efforts in healing was in vain

Unceasingly stabbed by the near and dear

Unaware of the tremendous beauty she was

Time played fairy godmother

And she grew unfazed to the worldly beauty chimes

She journeyed to embracing her raw imperfections

She, a mysterious moon child

Grew to flaunting her crimson scars

That adorned her dark skin, with pride

Like the silver lining on the clouds

Because how can the world not see

That Luna herself bore innumerable blemishes

And the mother reminds all her children

That war marks aren’t to be hidden, but flourished.

~AS

You Dream On.

Trailing through the golden field

I ran behind a precious six year old

The skies above us stained with periwinkle

Her laughter echoing through the place

I wished to see her soar high above

And fought the fear that lingered in me

No monstrous hands dare pull her down

My beautiful angel, you dream on.

Her imaginations keeps me amused forever

So much that i can see the whole galaxy in her eyes

As she enthralled to cross the meadows

Because her dreams kept her calling

I wished to cling onto my sweet child

And whisper to her as i shield her

About the cruel world that lures injustice

To cradle her, chanting strength and not lullabies

You rest in me

And rest those petal eyes

Away from the horrors of the world

I’ll blanket you

With fairy folklores

Where the princess slays the dragon

Because darling, the world is a cruel place

But i want you to strive on

Strive on, to capture what’s far away

And seldom let anyone tell you otherwise

What terrifies you? Let be your strength

What consoles you? Let be your hope

May nothing stop those innocent feet

From dancing around to harmony

Find glory with the marvelous grace you are

And my darling, you dream on.

~AS

A Silhouette

In a dim lit room she lay listening

To the scary silence, beckoning

The untouched, stained coffee mug

Crumbled papers, in a corner rug

Floors smeared with gouache paint

Her eyes seemed faint

Golden hour rays did no justice

To her bloodshot face, a failed apprentice.

The only movement made

When she curled up into a fetus

Wanting to be a speck that was unheard

Wanting to experience a hiatus

Did her paintings and art

Scream self-love?

Because she valiantly tried, but

Alas! They seemed far from love

She reached out to him

She reached out to her

Her agony knew no bounds of grim

As her mind was let aloof like a feather

Unwanted and untouched and filthy

Painting grief on her tainted canvas

Holding onto her dreams she will be

Finding shelter in her newly washed pyjamas

She liked the deadly exterior silence

As her interior screamed with chaos

Her heart yearned for vengeance

Because loving too much was her only loss

But she lay there calmly

Soaking in the last few rays

Of the sun and her hope, scarcely

She, a silhouette, not for your gaze

~AS

The Bloody Sakura

Kohled eyes, uncombed hair

Not from a fairytale

A distant dream,

Forbidden to further sail

An angry, silent, resting hurricane

Her poise ever so poisoning

In a body so familiar with scars

Carrying stillness in her

Away from bloody wretched hands

Stillness; that knew wars and the cries

An avalanche of emotions

Tumbling down scattered

Into the bloody pond that overflowed

Her reflection rippling

And the soul almost fading

Drenched in beautiful despondence

Winds adorned her hair

With cherry blossoms that blew in

From the tree she embraced

To casket her life in safe.

~AS