There goes a saying that ‘the most life turning events happen to you when you least expect it’. Although there have been many instances in life to vouch for the above statement, it is funny how I started on this writing blog, during what I could highlight as the most struggling phase of my life. I thought a lot about what I am going to write about in my first article of the blog, and because i miserably failed (a natural indecisive Libra), I decided I would write about the present. The present, where everything is not rainbows and unicorn and in fact, it is quite the thunderstorm here. What I wanted to highlight through this post is that it amuses me how with the worst, you are able to see the best around you too. And I cannot be more grateful for everything that brings the best out of me and around me. This piece of writing is dedicated to everyone and everything I am grateful for, and to remind my readers to look around and to find what brings you solace.
For someone who has been writing journals since her teenage years, writing has always been an activity where I form a space which is personal and brutally honest. And that is exactly what I would like to carry onto my blog too, to keep it simple and honest. That said, everyone close to me knows that starting this blog was super impulsive, because life felt so morbid that I wanted to do something spontaneous, to finally get that urge of doing something new, which would bring a new routine to my life. Planning of the blog started more than a year ago, where my best friend, after reading some of my work, screamed in my face that I had to start a writing blog. I really wanted to, but I had my own battle going on in my head with a lot of self-doubt and how I will never be enough. The conflict was with my other voice in the head which said ‘but honey, you won’t know unless you try’. This went on for a year, completing other commitments too on the way, but if it has not been obvious, the year has not been so kind to any of us. The irony of it all is that I started this blog when I have been feeling my lowest. I realised that sometimes, we cannot keep waiting for things to get easier or better in life with time, sometimes we should just seize the day and get what you want. Own the time you have. And that is how I spontaneously started it, super scared about the outcome, well honestly, I still type with shaky hands. I am still paranoid about a lot of things regarding this writing space, but I must admit that a little bit of it fade away every time I post something here. So I guess we are on the right track, eh?
This was supposed to be a gratitude note because just attempting to get over this fear is a huge accomplishment for me and I wouldn’t have done it if it wasn’t for a few people in my life. Gratitude comes naturally when you realise the value of certain things and people in your life. There have been times when I have felt the lowest and did not want to communicate with anyone through any source, but some of them did nothing but stayed to let me know that I was not alone. I don’t think words will suffice to let them know how grateful I am for their existence in their life. I am sure a lot of you must have experienced this, that in your toughest times, you find the people who has always been real to you, who wants to see you grow, and as much as they hate to see you suffer, they let you have your space, guarding behind the walls you’ve built to recover from your experiences. If you have such people, or just ONE person like that in your life, then I must say you are lucky. Hold onto them, because in today’s world, it is not easy to have a support system who genuinely wishes for your well being and growth. As the world is fighting a pandemic, it is obvious that everyone is going through a difficult time, and naturally I feel guilty for burdening others with my experiences. People around me (virtually, of course), have taught me otherwise, that it is okay to be there for each other while you’re both in a difficult time too. I love the balance that I carry with these certain few and it is beyond wholesome to have someone to genuinely give an ear out to you while you do the same to them.
I have always been a person who gives; gives attention, effort, care, a helping hand, love and everything I can to a person who means a lot to me, most of the time not expecting anything back, to be very honest. But it is not even funny the number of times people have walked over me and just left for no reason at all or taken me for granted. And at this point in life? I am grateful to all of them too, for showing me that I am so much more worthy than their toxic behaviour and I deserve, if not more, definitely equal to what I give in. And I know there are so many people out there just like me. Difficult situations in your life, where there may be moments when you’re trying so hard to breathe normally, definitely breaks you, but at the same time it has somehow made me stronger than ever too. The confidence I have now to say this out loud did not come easy, in fact I have come a long way from taking all the blame to realising I was not wrong at all in the first place. They also taught me to always keep a distance from people like them. So see? We do learn a lot from every kind of individual.
Some of my favourite quotes and phrases told to me by people who are the most dearest to me and which are etched in the deepest part of my heart are: ‘it is what it is’, ‘you are stronger than you will ever know’, ‘this too shall pass’, ‘everything happens for a reason’. Life has been a lot easier since I started understanding and soulfully believing what these statements truly have to convey. I am grateful to my family for several reasons that I cannot reveal at this point, because they have a huge part in the person I have become today. I have learnt the do’s and most importantly the do not’s from them and I cannot be more grateful, because that is what I am going to take forward in my life while I build a world of my own. Lastly, I am grateful to myself, for fighting through all of this and not giving up even on the days I’ve been dancing on a thread. It is important to introspect and realise what relationship you have with yourself. Honestly, mine is conflicting. Just an hour back I was questioning myself for a lot of things. But what I see as most important is that by the end of the day you try to go through everything and always prioritise yourself over everything. You are your strongest soldier and no matter what your support system is, they will only be the cherry on the top of the cake, but your life decisions and actions driven with love is what makes the cake. I am grateful to myself for having this realisation. This year has been the most difficult one for a lot of us, but I must say this year has been the best for me in many aspects with the highest achievements in life; achievements that matter the most.